Q: You’re moving far away and aren’t good at saying goodbye, how can you leave gracefully?
A: The pandemic has given us pause to re-evaluate how we live our lives. What matters most and how do we make the most out of every day.
It’s part of the natural circle of life to say goodbye. Nothing lasts forever, but bidding adieu doesn’t have to be a gut-wrenching, tear-driven experience filled with sadness and regret. It’s possible to say goodbye feeling whole and complete, graceful and poised leaving a lasting positive impression with family, friends and neighbors.
Share the News In Person. As with any important communication, it’s the delivery that matters. This is not an occasion to blast a blanket email to your nearest and dearest, catching them off guard and leaving them defenseless. Show respect by picking up the phone or making a plan to meet where you can sincerely and lovingly share the news about your impending departure.
Host a Thank You Party. Celebrate your crew members by hosting a thank you party to acknowledge them. Inevitably, any time we move on we are left with a sense of loss. A gathering allows everyone an opportunity to express gratitude and tie up loose ends; this provides a blanket of goodwill and leaves everyone with a feeling of closure.
A Token of Appreciation. Shower those who’ve meant the most with a small gift and a thoughtful card. A potted plant for your elderly neighbor who has a green thumb, a beautiful box of stationery and a pen to remain in meaningful touch with the best friend who you shared morning walks and talks with almost daily. A sentimental item for each family member that expresses your deepest warmth and says you may be moving far away, but you are in each other’s hearts and minds always.
Stay in Touch on Social Media. One of the most treasured benefits of social media is our ability to get an inside peek at each other’s personal lives through images and videos that allow us to see and experience those we care about even when we’re apart. This will provide a sense of calm knowing that you can still be involved in each other’s lives even from a distance.
“See you down the road.” Moving away doesn’t mean goodbye for eternity. One of the best lines in last year’s Oscar winning film “Nomadland” reminded us that our paths will absolutely cross again, whether a month, a year or several years down the line.
—Lisa Gaché, etiquette expert and founder of Beverly Hills Manners
A: By definition, any transition is disruptive and inherently stressful, and moving is no exception. Between making hard packing decisions and the financial strain, we would all hope that our relationships could be a source of reprieve and solace at this time. This may not always be the case because the emotional toll of saying “goodbye” can be seen as just another stressful thing to check off our moving list.
Make it a priority. Start by deciding who is important for you to have this conversation with. Give yourself (and others) plenty of time to process and grieve this transition. Setting up intentional plans will give you the time to prepare and think about who, what and how you want to share. Do not be hard on yourself for “missing” someone. You are going through a lot.
Offer reassurance, not only for them, but for yourself. Share changes that you can commit to! Offering reasonable reassurance can assist the relationship in normalizing the inevitable changes the relationship will experience. It gives them something to expect rather than all of the things that will change.
Create a plan ahead of time to visit after settling in. Creating a plan can minimize a lot of worry and fear about the future. Come to your conversation with some dates of availability after your move. They will appreciate the effort to continue your relationship and the care you show up with.
— Jeffrey Kraft, licensed therapist at Pinnacle Counseling
hgreenspan@chicagotribune.com
