How to break free from your ideal skillset, and start maximizing the sweet skills you already have.
I have to admit, I’m surrounded by some pretty amazing people in my life. I have friends that have raised the bar in just about every aspect of living. Boss ladies and charming gentleman ABOUND. There are people all around me that have given me great strength in times of need, taught me the value of true friendships, and more. That being said, there are times that I feel really insecure because I’m trying to do it all, and match their special talents.
Because it seems like other people really do “have it all” and “do it all!” Doesn’t it?
Luckily, I’ve completely given up.
Not on everything! Just the “having it all” and “doing it all.” And boy, am I glad I did. Once I started playing into my strengths, rather than trying to cover every base, my quality of life skyrocketed. Allow me to take one for the ego team, by pinpointing some of my epic life failures (you’ll feel better about yourself, I promise).
Here’s a list of things I’ve failed miserably at:
1. Pinterest DIY: From Christmas décor to sprucing up our guest bathroom…epic fails ☺
2. Gifts for family members: I attempt to be just like my sister-in-law who sends my kids the most thoughtful wonderful gifts. In an attempt to get on her level, I spend hours and hours searching for the best toys, and then forget to mail them on time… or ever.
3. Home and house organization: My own mother, is the QUEEN of this. I don’t know how she does it. And let’s pile on the ultimate insecurity: my husband is very vocal about how he admires her mad organization skillz. That woman knows the match to every tupperware lid and actually puts them together. I get overwhelmed just matching little kid socks from the laundry basket. See my drawers? I can't handle it.
4. Helping kids with crafts: I’m bad enough at DIY, I don’t know why I ever thought I could help my kids (or their classmates) be artsy. I learned a good lesson from a sweetheart mom-pal of mine when discussing volunteering for a kids Halloween party at school. She spent countless hours making cute little ghosts on string cheeses, and other goodies that our kids destroyed in 2 seconds after her hours of labor. Even she (the stay-at-home-mom extraordinnaire!) is starting to break free from things she isn’t good at and just downright aren’t enjoyable. However, that same mom-pal has come to my rescue when I forgot an early pick-up day at school, or when I was running late and needed a favor. She may be banishing halloween parties, but she’s still crafting miracles in my life.
While those are just 4 examples from an endless list, I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve struggled to be the super mom, super aunt, super friend, super organized “has-it-together” kinda girl. Once I started to break free of “have it all” madness, and truly started honoring my innate talents, my personal freedom and happiness grew immensely. Do I wish I was a DIY/gift-giving superstar? Yes. But instead, I support the people in my life that are truly good at those things. Some people have enough energy to serve on 10 volunteer boards, the PTA, run a small business, and send thoughtful hand-written notes “just because.” I can’t.
Here’s what I CAN do:
- I’m amazing at pulling off something big and awesome at the very last minute.
- I’m great at connecting people, helping them pinpoint their strengths, and dreaming up new ways to use their talents.
- I’m stellar with impromptu hang sessions. With my kids, my friends, or complete strangers. Let’s quick run to the park, drink coffees at the bookstore, have story time, enjoy a movie and popcorn… but please, don’t make me plan it ahead of time!
- I’m really good at going with the flow, and not getting stuck in a rut (Does your Type A personality wonder how the heck I function?) -- I’m flexible, and too much routine feels strangely chaotic and actually stresses me out..
- I’m good at creating a sense of urgency about health! I use this every day as a physician, mom, friend, daughter, and business owner.
If you have difficulty finding your strengths, I highly recommend the Kolbe A Index. I practically force everyone in my family and inner circle to take this 36-ish question talent index (Take the Kolbe A™ Index!). Kathy Kolbe,founder and creator of the Kolbe Index has allowed me to channel my true “Mode-of-Operation” (my M.O. that I own and love!) and use my time and talents to the best of my ability. My Kolbe M.O.is 4-1-9-4. What does this nonsense sequence mean? In short:
- I’m great with huge, big picture ideas.
- I’m really good at impromptu opportunities and quick starts
- Don’t expect me to pay attention to the details/rules (I view rules more as guidelines, and think new & better rules can me made)
- I'm magnificent at adapting and multi-tasking... I just don't need to finish things. It's better if I leave the finishing and fine touches to others.
I was often labeled as ADD/ADHD growing up, in fact, a lot of my friends would probably describe me as “all over the place” and “scatter brained.” While I used to be insecure about these traits, once I acknowledged their benefits, I had a tremendous amount of fun applying them to grow and expand amazing opportunities.
Speaking of growing up -- There’s also a Kolbe Y (for youth, 4th grade reading level-17 years old) for $10. There's an additional report, the "Kolbe Parent Guide" that helps parents, teachers, and caregivers help kids to be successful by using their unique M.O. to capitalize on their strengths. When my kids get old enough you can bet I’ll have them take it and I’m excited to allow them to honor their unique MO’s. Why worry about making them into somebody they truly aren’t? Hopefully I can help them avoid a few insecurities! In my ultimate parenting dreams, right? Insecurities can become a sincere health problem creating guilt, anger, rage, jealousy and more. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
A SWEET SKILLS activity you can do right now:
- Write down 3 things you know you ROCK at
- Write down 3 things you truly enjoy doing.
- Write down three things you admire most in other people in your life.
Are these lists hard for you? They used to be for me, too. If you have trouble defining your strengths, I highly suggest taking the Kolbe. (Take the Kolbe A™ Index)
Start honoring your true strengths, and let go of things that don’t bring you sincere joy. Honor those around you that are good at things you aren’t (ex. hire someone to clean and organize your house if you’d rather pull your hair out).
In the mean time, I’ll be giving my BFF an impromptu spa day, because a thoughtful pinterest craft for her will be a waste of time, and I’d rather not hand her a DIY garbage pile.
Tweet Tweet: Honor your true strengths, and let go of things that don’t bring you joy. #OwnIt #beYOU
Calla Kleene
Author
