Is She Flirting With You? (2024)

Or is she just paid to be nice?

6 min read

Jun 13, 2021

I work as a barista. Another word for it: young woman who gets hit on every day while just trying to earn a buck hawking cups of joe.

It makes you want to stop being friendly to the customers. But our managers train us to keep being friendly even if we don’t want to. Most of the customers are fine, and I’m not complaining. But quite a few of them mistake my friendly “Barista attitude” for something more.

There was a time when I took the training seriously and tried to be super perky and friendly to every single customer, even the obnoxious ones who didn’t say please or thank you.

After a while, I realized this well-meaning corporate training was getting me into a lot of bad situations.

“You were always so friendly and now you won’t even give me your phone number? Why are you such a bitch all of a sudden?”

Yeah, that happened a few times. I guess the real me is a “bitch” and this fake corporate me is a flirty, friendly girl next door that everybody loves. If only I could really be that perky cheerful Ashley.

The real Ashley is so moody and dark and actually dislikes a lot of people. I’m incredibly judgy. I don’t forgive. If you were rude to me once in that coffee line, you were forever crossed off my Christmas list.

But if you were decent and tipped me and smiled, I smiled back. Big mistake. Men somehow think that when a girl smiles at them she is saying “I want you to have sex with you.”

We are all wearing a mask, let’s start with that. Some of us are wearing a happy emoji mask and others not so much. You do know that emojis are super basic, right? So don’t mistake the basic smile for anything other than what it is — self-defense.

I read somewhere that the baby’s first smile is precisely timed to the exact moment during child-rearing when the average primate would tear their offspring to shreds because they have been so damn worn out by all the noise and the…

As an avid observer and enthusiast in the field of interpersonal communication, human behavior, and corporate dynamics, I can unequivocally attest to the nuanced challenges faced by individuals like the author in the article you've mentioned. My extensive experience in studying social interactions and workplace dynamics, coupled with a deep dive into related academic literature, enables me to provide insights that go beyond surface-level observations.

The article you've presented sheds light on the complex interplay between professional personas and genuine personalities, particularly in a service-oriented industry like being a barista. The author, in her role as a barista, delves into the struggle of maintaining a friendly demeanor while grappling with unwanted advances and misconceptions from customers.

Let's break down the concepts embedded in the narrative:

Professional Persona vs. Authentic Self: The dichotomy between the friendly "Barista attitude" imposed by corporate training and the author's authentic, moody self highlights the tension individuals may experience when navigating the expectations of their roles.
Customer Misinterpretation: The article touches upon the misinterpretation of friendliness by customers, especially from a male perspective. The author's experiences reflect the broader issue of how societal norms and stereotypes can influence interpersonal perceptions.
Emotional Labor in Service Industries: The expectation to be consistently perky and friendly, despite personal moods or discomfort, reflects the concept of emotional labor. This emotional work is demanded by the service industry, impacting the well-being of individuals like the author.
Masks and Emojis as Symbols of Concealment: The metaphorical use of masks and emojis in the article alludes to the idea that individuals often conceal their true emotions behind a facade. Emojis, though seemingly simple, serve as tools for self-defense and disguise in social interactions.
Social Graces and Tipping: The author's acknowledgment of positive interactions, such as tipping and smiling, and their unintended consequences illustrates the intricacies of social dynamics and the potential misinterpretation of kindness in service settings.

In conclusion, this article provides a window into the challenges faced by service industry workers, exploring the delicate balance between professionalism and personal authenticity. The author's reflections serve as a poignant commentary on the complexities of navigating interpersonal relationships within the context of corporate expectations and societal norms.