In an era dominated by smartphones, the Internet, and text messaging, we’ve been robbed of many little things that once brought us joy—from alphabetized CD cases to the thrill of getting lost while driving to the simple pleasure of boredom. But there’s one thing that stands out to us at The Optimism Company: those little check-in phone calls with close friends.
Now, we know what you’re thinking: “I WhatsApp with my BFF all the time!” Well, science will tell you that it’s simply not the same. In fact, a study conducted in 2021, extensively reported in The New York Times, examined the effects of brief, regular phone calls on 240 adults. And let us tell you, the results were striking.
Those fortunate enough to receive calls a few times a week experienced a significant reduction in levels of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. This revelation caught the attention of Dr. Bob Waldinger, a distinguished professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of the book, The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Dr. Waldinger emphasizes the importance of investing time in our most cherished relationships. He argues that these investments can yield tangible effects on our overall well-being, offering a hidden “gold mine of vitality” that often goes unnoticed.
And this is where the “eight-minute catch-up” comes into play.
The concept of the “eight-minute catch-up” has emerged as a practical application of this research, championed by individuals like our founder and Chief Optimist, Simon Sinek. They advocate for dedicating short, focused periods of connection with friends or loved ones. This approach not only cultivates a sense of closeness and well-being but also addresses the common issue of conversations dragging on past their welcome or abruptly ending—a problem identified in another study conducted in 2021.
By mutually agreeing to an eight-minute time limit beforehand, both parties can engage in a meaningful exchange without overstaying their welcome. This ensures that the time spent together is both beneficial and respected.
In a recent episode of “A Bit of Optimism,” Simon went deep on this topic with his long-time friend, celebrated chef and author Christina Tosi. They explored the significance of asking for help and being there for friends in need. Their conversation shed light on a simple yet powerful lesson: the act of reaching out for support is not only normal but also an essential part of our shared human experience.
According to Simon, he had a moment of realization when he encountered a friend and asked how they were. To his surprise, the friend revealed that they had been struggling with depression. Simon’s immediate response was, “WTF? Why didn’t you call me?” It sparked an eye-opening realization about the subtle ways in which people ask for help.
“There is no greater honor than to send them a text message that says, ‘Do you have eight minutes?'” said Christina.
This phrase has become a code between Simon and Christina, symbolizing a safe space where one can openly express vulnerability and seek comfort.
At the end of the day, eight minutes of a friend’s time can make all the difference in the world. Best of all, it’s only eight minutes. “Eight minutes! When somebody texts you ‘Do you have eight minutes?’ Any of us can pause a movie, step out of a meeting, or leave a room to talk to a friend in need for eight minutes,” says Simon.
If you’d like to hear Simon and Christina’s full conversation, you can give it a listen here.
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