55 Things Narcissistic Mothers Say (2024)

A narcissistic mother is characterized by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and manipulative behavior, often prioritizing her needs over her children’s. Their statements are often abusive, self-absorbed, grandiose, controlling, manipulative, and attention-seeking.She creates a toxic family environment for her children.^​1,2​

Effective responses to such behavior include setting boundaries, refusing engagement in arguments, disengaging from harmful conversations, calling out unreasonable behavior, and validating one’s feelings. The most effective strategy to resist a narc mother’s control is ceasing all communication to protect against emotional harm and manipulation.

What are the things narcissistic mothers say?

Here are 50+ things narcissistic mothers say to show ecocentric perspectives, assert control, demand attention, and manipulate others.

1. “I brought you to this world, and I can take you out.”
2. “I’m the mother here. I don’t have to respect you.”
3. “I gave up my life to give you a better one, and you do nothing for me in return.”
4. “You are the most ungrateful child I have ever met.”
5. “You don’t deserve everything that I have done for you.”
6. “I put your happiness first and get this in return.”
7. “Nobody cares what you have to say.”
8. “You should try being more like your sister. She is my favorite child.”
9. “You eat so much. Why don’t you start jogging for a change?”
10. “I don’t understand what he sees in you.”
11. “I’m baffled as to how he puts up with you.”
12. “You should take a lesson from your sister because she never disappoints me.”
13. “You don’t deserve to be happy.”
14. “You will never amount to anything.”
15. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
16. “No wonder you don’t have any friends.”
17. “You only did this to hurt my feelings.”
18. “I should have aborted you.”
19. “You’re such a bad child. You should have known its impact on me when you made the decision.”
20. “If I hadn’t been so busy raising you, I would have had a career.”
21. “You have ruined my life.”
22. “I can not believe I wasted my whole life on you.”
23. “You are my biggest mistake.”
24. “You only think about yourself.”
25. “You are trying to embarrass me here.”
26. “You’re so selfish. You never care about my feelings.”
27. “Why did you do this to hurt me?”
28. “You knew I didn’t like it, but you still did it to hurt me.”
29. “You only think about yourself.”
30. “You always look for attention.”
31. “Why do you always have to make a big deal out of everything?”
32. “It’s embarrassing to be related to you.”
33. “Don’t you think it’s a good time to join the gym?”
34. “Maybe you should try losing a few pounds.”
35. “You’re so pretty, but you will look better if you lose some weight.”
36. “You should never wear this dress; it makes you look fat.”
37. “You are a horrible child. You never appreciate anything I’ve done for you.”
38. “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
39. “If you ever do that, you are not my son.”
40. “Do this now, or you’ll never do it.”
41. “That never happened. You must have imagined it.”
42. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
43. “Why are you so dramatic?”
44. “You are overreacting.”
45. “No one will ever love you with that attitude.”
46. “Nobody loves you, and you don’t deserve to exist.”
47. “You have an awful personality and can never do anything right.”
48. “Everyone agrees that you’re probably the worst person to go out with.”
49. “You’ll be sorry for it when I’m gone.”
50. “I wish I had a daughter who I could depend on.”
51. “Don’t make a scene.”
52. “Get over it.”
53. “You’re being overly sentimental.”
54. “I sacrificed so much for my kids.”
55. “Look, my child got first prize. It’s all because I didn’t let him give up on piano.”

What are the types of things narcissistic mothers say?

The 6 types of things narcissistic mothers say are the following.

• Abusive: Narcissistic mothers criticize, belittle, humiliate, and shame their children. She says things like, “You are worthless. No one will love you.”
• Self-centeredness: Narcissistic mothers often make statements that focus primarily on their own needs, desires, or experiences. They say, “Why are you always thinking about yourself and not considering what I need?”
• Grandiosity: These statements reflect an inflated sense of self-importance or superiority. A narcissistic mother says things like, “I’m the only one who knows how to do this right.”
• Dictatorship: A narcissistic mother is controlling. She says, “You’ll do as I say because I know what’s best for you,”
• Manipulation: Manipulative statements are designed to influence or control others subtly. A narcissistic mother says things like, “If you loved me, you would do this for me,” using guilt or emotional leverage to persuade her children to meet her needs or wishes.
• Attention-seeking: These statements seek to draw attention, sympathy, or admiration to herself. A narcissistic mother says, “Nobody appreciates all the sacrifices I make for this family.”

What are the phrases to respond to a narcissistic mother?

Here are 5 types of phrases to respond to a narcissistic mother.

Boundary setting

State what behavior you will or won’t accept from her.

• “What you said was hurtful. I cannot tolerate this behavior.”
• “I’m open to feedback shared respectfully.”
• “I understand your point, but I need you to respect my decision.”

Non-engagement

Refuse to get drawn into arguments or drama cycles with her.

• “We see things differently. Let’s agree to disagree.”
• “I understand this is how you feel.”
• “I guess that’s true from your point of view.”

Disengaging

Choose to leave a potentially harmful or unproductive conversation.

• “I wish you the best, but will keep my distance for now.”
• “I need some space right now.”
• “I’m ending this conversation now. Let’s try again when we are both calm and respectful.”

Calling her out

Call out or mirror back what the narcissistic mother says in a calm manner, making her aware of her words and unsound logic.

• “I don’t think insulting me will resolve this.”
• “I understand that you feel you have sacrificed a lot when you decided to have children.”
• “Keep blaming others won’t help you get the desired results.”

Validation

Validate your own emotions and perceptions being questioned.

• “I value your point of view, and I hope you’ll also listen to mine, too.”
• “I hear you. But I cannot do that because my needs are just as valid as yours.”
• “I’m sorry you regret having me. But I cannot control your regrets. I can only control myself, and I choose to move forward with my life positively.”

How to deal with a narcissistic parent

Dealing with a narcissistic parent starts with understanding. Recognizing the root of your suffering, which often lies in the behavior of your narcissistic parent. Accept yourself and remember that the shortcomings of your narcissistic parent are not your responsibility; the core issues originate from them, not from you. Set clear boundaries and focus on using “I” statements rather than “you” to communicate effectively.

Practicing your messages before delivering them can prepare you for interactions and help avoid getting drawn into unproductive or harmful arguments. Sometimes, maintaining a certain distance is necessary for your mental well-being.

Connect with friends, family, or support groups that understand and validate your experiences. A therapist can help you deal with the complex dynamics of a relationship with a narcissistic parent.

Finally, manage your expectations and be kind to yourself. It’s a journey that requires patience, understanding, and self-compassion.

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